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When I became pregnant it was much to my suprise and shock! I was not expecting it and didn't know what to do! Casey, Grayson's father was well not really in the picture already cause I knew him from my previous employer and was already moving on! So, when I told Casey I hoped that he would be a real stand up guy and step up to the plate, but I was sadly suprised to find out he was just not ready! He never came out and told me and we would talk about everything BUT the baby, but I was in crazy world with all the pregnancy complications so I lived in my dream world and pretended that everything would work out! I thought that he would come around at some point and want to be a dad! Well, once Grayson was here he was not even there for his birth and took two days to come see him I knew I was on my own! I had a big decision to make at the beginning of the pregnancy and I did think about it and decided that adoption was not for me! I was given the gift of life cause I felt that I was strong enough to do it on my own, but once I found out I really was on my own and reality set in I did re-think about adoption and still I felt that I could do it on my own with the help from my great family! Thus I became the single momma to my little dude!
On to the subject at hand and what got me started on this blog! Well at the end of my pregnancy after being out of work for a month and a half already and still taking another 8 weeks off without pay, I was getting NO help from Casey and decided to start to file with the state for child support! Well to Casey's defense I never asked him for help but you would think hello I have no pay check and I have bills... but he was not that smart! Ok I started the process but never went to far with it till I was back at work so Grayson was about 3 months old once I really started the paperwork! Well once I started the process I also notified Casey cause I didn't have ANY of his important info that would have sped the process up so I was hoping he would have given me his info and I would be done! Nope not that lucky but we worked it out that he would send me what he says is his calculation of what the state says he is meant to pay me! Well he is being WAY secretive and always has about his life and it so upsets me, like he pays me the child support in cash through my sister at work! Silly! Well, I have become fed up with him over the months, like I know he doesn't really want to be a dad, but when he does see Grayson he lights up and it is like wow... maybe that lightbulb is going off of this is an awesome feeling that I could have all the time! Then it will be months before he sees him again and I dont want to punish him for that but at the same time I do! To explain more back info, Casey is from New York and always threatens to go back home and I am ok with that if that is what he wants, BUT I fear if he does do that he will not continue his support! I mean I have no rights till we get with the state! I want to have in writing if he wants visitation or not! I do not mind ever letting him see Gray, I have changed my plans and done things that I have not wanted just so that Gray can see him! I want to do everything I can to make him a part of his life because I believe it is VERY important for him to have his father in his life! Gray will have MANY male role models of that I am sure, but I want his dad to be one of them! Well lets see Gray has seen his dad lets count... when he was 2 days old,3 months old, 4 months old, 5 months old, 8 months old, 9 months old so a grand total of 6 times since birth! Wow I just couldn't imagine not seeing him daily! Heck I can't even leave him overnight! The longest I have left him is 12 hours just cause of work! Well, I have yelled I have screamed I have tried to be patient with him and I get nothing! I hate that my sister has to be the middle man cause she is being responsible for a large amount of cash at work where they do have robberies cause there are homeless in the med center... plus she should not have to be in the middle of this! SO last week I finally did what I know he didn't want me to, I re-filed with the state for child support! Don't get me wrong, he has not missed a payment yet since I asked for child support and when Grayson started daycare and it was more than what he was giving me and I asked him for more money he did give it to me, I am tired of beating around the bush! SO by the beginning of next month we should have a child support order in place hopefully through the state! I could be shooting myself in the foot cause he may be giving me more than he should, but I know that he is supposed to be responsible for half the medical on top of his 20 percent of his pay according to the state and right now he pays me the 20 percent and that covers daycare! That is it! NO MORE! I still have diapers, food, clothes, medication, doctors appointments, daily wear and tear! No he should not have to pay for everything for the baby, he is half my responsibility BUT I know my share is much more than half!!! SO right now we have a locator out on him and I am in the wait and see mode! I need to get all my paper work together so when they call I can get the back dated money, if any and I can say he did give me this much! NO I don't want anything extra! I will not lie and say he never gave me any money! That is one reason I decided to start Grayson's own account at the bank that I put all of Grayson's money and try to make payments from that, but it is hard cause when I am at the store I don't think to do two transactions so I just end up paying for everything myself EXCEPT for daycare! Oh well!
So, right now we are in the holding pattern! I hope that the locator does work quick and that I hear back from the state soon so that we are not having to keep going through my sister, but till then that is the way that we will be doing it unless he decides to not help anymore!
This last week Grayson did see his dad when he brought over the money cause Serah didn't work this weekend! It was a nice visit! Grayson was showing off what a big boy he is! I finally got a picture of him and his dad! It is a bad picture! It was outside at noon... so bad lighting and Grayson LOVES to put both arms up like in the "I'm a big boy" so half of his dad is covered, but at least now if he never sees him again I can say this is your dad! Once again it was a nice visit! The whole time Casey was loving on Gray and Gray acted his normal cute self but unless Serah doesn't work or something we prob won't see Casey for 2-4 months! I am sad cause I know there is a good chance that even though I know my family would not say anything to him other than nice to meet you... Casey won't come to his 1st b-day party and won;t really have an excuse other than he is MIA!
So now that I have been up for an hour writing this when I should be asleep and I have to work today.... YUCK... I will end this now!
So think good thoughts and PRAY that the state comes through and I am not shooting myself in the foot with going through them and I don't even get enough to cover his daycare! Pray that the process goes quickly! And that Casey will continue to be in Grayson's life!
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